1
00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:05,353
Ooh, this looks good, honey.

2
00:00:05,396 --> 00:00:09,792
Thank you. Tonight's meal
is a mango-rubbed mahimahi

3
00:00:09,835 --> 00:00:12,012
drizzled with
a chili aioli sauce

4
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,884
with bok choy
and quinoa on the side.

5
00:00:14,927 --> 00:00:16,146
Quin-what?

6
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:17,365
Quinoa.

7
00:00:17,408 --> 00:00:19,236
It's a recipe I saw on TV.

8
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,847
Did they eat it on TV?

9
00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:24,328
Kevin, stop. Your
mother made you a meal.

10
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:25,677
The least you can do
is taste it.

11
00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:33,076
Okay.

12
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,860
Mmm.

13
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,384
So, what do you guys think?

14
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:37,820
Nick?

15
00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,039
It's good.

16
00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:45,958
Then why are you putting enough
salt on it to melt a snowdrift?

17
00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:47,656
It's not that much.

18
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:50,485
What kind of sauce
is this again?

19
00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:53,705
If you don't want to eat
it, you don't have to eat it.

20
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:55,142
Cool. I'm making a hot dog. LINDSEY: Same.

21
00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,233
Don't let that bother you.

22
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:00,495
Why shouldn't I?

23
00:01:00,538 --> 00:01:02,279
I've spent days
planning this meal,

24
00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:05,282
and they ran out on it like it
was Charlie Sheen in Detroit.

25
00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:07,458
Well, do you like it, honey?

26
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,634
Mmm-hmm. It's good.

27
00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:13,638
I ought to let you choke.

28
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:15,771
♪ Are we there yet?

29
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,210
♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

30
00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:22,082
♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

31
00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:23,605
♪ Are we there yet?

32
00:01:27,826 --> 00:01:28,958
You're late.

33
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,265
True. But,

34
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:34,137
I got you a cinnamon bun.

35
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:37,706
Well, that's not going to work today,
because Nick made breakfast this morning.

36
00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:39,316
Oh, that's sweet.

37
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,883
I mean, he's such a good man.

38
00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,406
And how is that?

39
00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:45,192
The man makes one meal,
and he's king of the world?

40
00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:46,932
I cook every day.

41
00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,891
I was just thinking,

42
00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:51,415
maybe the kids enjoyed
having something different.

43
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,722
No, what they enjoy

44
00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:56,464
is eating the same thing
all the time.

45
00:01:56,507 --> 00:01:59,249
Last night, I tried
to make something different.

46
00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:02,644
I made a mango-rubbed
mahimahi with chili aioli,

47
00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:05,342
and bok choy
and quinoa on the side.

48
00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:07,779
You tried to feed that
to your kids?

49
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:10,695
You think all I like is
chicken, fish and spaghetti?

50
00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,784
Yes. Well, I don't.

51
00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:16,048
I would love to have
wonderful, exciting meals,

52
00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:17,615
but I don't have the time,

53
00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:20,096
because I have to get the
food on the table by 7:00.

54
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,447
See, Suzanne? That's your
problem right there.

55
00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:26,320
When you cook, it should
be to enjoy the food,

56
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:28,931
not, "Get it on
the table by 7:00."

57
00:02:28,974 --> 00:02:30,889
But the people
are hungry at 7:00.

58
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:32,978
Oh, I don't know what to tell
you. Just go to a cooking class.

59
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,328
If I don't have time to cook,

60
00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:36,547
when do I have time
to go to a cooking class?

61
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:38,201
You know what?

62
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:40,160
I'm gonna take my cinnamon bun,

63
00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:43,380
come back in here. We gonna
pretend this never happened.

64
00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:44,816
You said that was for me.

65
00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:46,688
I lied.

66
00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:52,172
The square root of 64...

67
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,477
Oh, that would be 8, nephew.

68
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,611
What are they teaching
y'all in school?

69
00:02:56,654 --> 00:02:58,787
Square roots.
What are you doing here?

70
00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:01,137
Oh, I just came
to do my laundry.

71
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,399
I didn't feel like
paying for it.

72
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:04,662
Hi, Uncle Terrence.Hey.

73
00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:07,274
Here's your fabric softener. Hey, yeah, thank you.

74
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:11,887
Ah, you got the one
with the teddy bear on it.

75
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,236
I like this one.

76
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,846
Can I ask you a question?

77
00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:15,978
That's up to you.

78
00:03:16,021 --> 00:03:17,240
Do you have a girlfriend?

79
00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:18,981
Why you want to know? Just answer the question.

80
00:03:19,024 --> 00:03:20,330
What if I don't? Do you?

81
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:21,418
Maybe. Forget it.

82
00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:23,028
Okay, okay, dang.

83
00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:25,727
No.Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Uncle Terrence.

84
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,859
You've been in prison,
beaten and tortured,

85
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:29,296
and you never gave anything up,

86
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:30,993
and you just got broke
down by a teenage girl?

87
00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:34,039
Man, that's what
teenage girls do, all right?

88
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,259
Now, look, I don't have
time to see nobody.

89
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:38,479
You ever see that show 24?Yeah.

90
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:41,482
Well, that's me,
but ten times busier.

91
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:44,006
So, why y'all want
to know unc-unc love life?

92
00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:46,313
Well, I always hear
women talking about

93
00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:48,010
how there's no
good guys out there,

94
00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:49,490
and you're a good guy,

95
00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,579
so I figure you should
let them know you're out there.

96
00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:54,408
Have you ever heard
of dopesoulmate.com?

97
00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:56,323
Yeah. We should sign you up.

98
00:03:56,366 --> 00:04:00,718
You know, I got a partner who
just got married to a girl off that site.

99
00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:03,155
He's supposed to actually
meet her in person next month.

100
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:06,333
Name? Terrence.

101
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:09,727
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Do
not put my real name there, girl.

102
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:13,035
All right? Now you
put in, uh, Mr. Beach.

103
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:14,515
Mr. Beach?

104
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:15,907
What you got against the beach?

105
00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:20,738
Okay, I need your birth
date, height and interests.

106
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:22,305
No, you don't.Yes, I am.

107
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:23,654
Skip all that, all right?

108
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:26,266
Go down to the bottom
and just fill in that one.

109
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:27,919
Okay. Your favorite movie?

110
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,747
Yeah. Sister Act.

111
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:30,922
What's Sister Act?

112
00:04:31,662 --> 00:04:33,011
With Whoopi Goldberg.

113
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:34,317
From The View?

114
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,276
Yes.

115
00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:39,322
Look, Whoopi was the biggest
movie star around in the '80s, all right?

116
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:41,237
So, don't give me that,
all right?

117
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,979
Y'all can have Madea.
Give me Whoopi.

118
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:50,507
Ooh.

119
00:04:50,551 --> 00:04:52,770
Hey, honey. Just in time.

120
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:55,904
Dinner is served.

121
00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:59,951
You're in my kitchen again.

122
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,605
What are you trying to prove?

123
00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:04,826
I'm trying to prove
that cooking is not that hard.

124
00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:06,218
Here, watch this. Watch this.

125
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,482
Ooh.

126
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:10,614
Lasagna. Bam!

127
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,095
Mmm, fresh.

128
00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:14,314
Yes, hold that thought.

129
00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:15,880
Mmm.

130
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:21,712
Bam!

131
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,453
That came from a box.

132
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,716
You took this
out of the freezer,

133
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,023
turned the oven to 425,

134
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:30,982
put it in there for 45 minutes
while you watched TV.

135
00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:32,462
That's not cooking.

136
00:05:32,506 --> 00:05:34,290
That's warming something up.

137
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:38,250
There's no difference between
making that and making toast.

138
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:40,862
You see, Nick, I make meals

139
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:42,733
from scratch

140
00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:44,169
with ingredients

141
00:05:44,213 --> 00:05:46,215
that come from
all over the city.

142
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,087
So?

143
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:51,786
So? You have no idea
what it's like to make a meal,

144
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,657
let alone a different
one every day.

145
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:55,877
You know what?

146
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:57,879
This Saturday,

147
00:05:57,922 --> 00:05:59,010
I'm cooking

148
00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:00,795
a meal

149
00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:02,144
from scratch

150
00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:03,450
with ingredients

151
00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,408
from all over the city.

152
00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:07,889
Good. I hope somebody
wants to eat it.

153
00:06:11,936 --> 00:06:13,460
...on a medium flame.

154
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:15,113
Now, after you remove
the skin of the chicken...

155
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:16,724
Hello.Hey.

156
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:21,206
So, you got that
chef's name for me?

157
00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:23,644
Yep. You're going to take
a cooking class?

158
00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:25,559
Well, I need some help.

159
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,343
Look, I told her I can cook,

160
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,127
and this weekend,
I'm making a meal.

161
00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:32,304
I've been watchin' cooking
shows and online for recipes.

162
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:33,958
This stuff is like
rocket science.

163
00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:36,657
I need to prove to her

164
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,877
that I can make a meal that will
blow her food out of the water.

165
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,618
Ah,

166
00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:44,404
I see you have the passion
to destroy what you love.

167
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,101
I'm so proud.

168
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:47,972
So, who is this woman?

169
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:49,496
Only the best cook I know.

170
00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:51,323
Trust me, if she can't help you,

171
00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:52,455
you cannot be helped.

172
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,414
So, you took her class? I did.

173
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,851
See, there's two things
I know that women love,

174
00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:58,635
food and shoes.

175
00:06:58,679 --> 00:07:00,420
And whipping up
a molten chocolate cake

176
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:03,771
is a whole lot cheaper than
buying a pair of Jimmy Choos.

177
00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:07,427
Is there anything you do in your spare
time that's not intended to get women?

178
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,081
No.

179
00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:16,784
Hey, Uncle Terrence, look.
You have, like, almost 100 flirts.

180
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:18,786
Flirts? What's that?

181
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:22,006
That means all these women have
looked at your profile and are interested.

182
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,313
Mmm-hmm. Ooh, she's cute.

183
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:25,793
Eh, I don't know.

184
00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:27,490
She got too many issues.

185
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:29,579
Plus, she's got bad teeth.

186
00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:31,320
How can you tell
just by her picture?

187
00:07:31,842 --> 00:07:33,235
Simple.

188
00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:34,889
Her head is cocked to the side,

189
00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:37,369
which is a sign
of contempt, all right?

190
00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:38,849
Her arms are folded,

191
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:41,156
which is a clear indication
of resistance.

192
00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:44,507
Now, look, she's smiling, but
her lips are pressed together.

193
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,857
That means she's got
a wretched mouth

194
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,598
and she don't want
nobody to see it.

195
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:52,428
Okay, what about her?

196
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,778
She didn't even put her
name up. It just says "Lady T."

197
00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:56,519
It says her favorite actress
is Whoopi Goldberg.

198
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:59,000
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, what? Whoopi?

199
00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:05,310
Ooh, I love the way you measure.

200
00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:07,138
I mean, you just
go with your instincts,

201
00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:09,184
a risk-taker.

202
00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:11,534
Ma?

203
00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:15,233
Mom? Yeah, that's my mother.

204
00:08:15,277 --> 00:08:19,150
Um, um, I got to go do a...
I got to go do a thing.

205
00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:20,717
Yeah, you do that.

206
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,547
Blocker.

207
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,549
Boy, the next time you see
me standing next to a man

208
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,203
and you come up here
and call me "Mom,"

209
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:29,900
me and you gonna have a problem.

210
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,642
Hello, Chef Connie.

211
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:35,602
Oh, my God, Gigi. GIGI: Hi.

212
00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:37,255
Oh, how have you been? I'm good.

213
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,344
So, I brought my friend Suzanne.

214
00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,216
Hi.Hi, Suzanne.
Nice to meet you.

215
00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:42,870
You coming to brush up
on those skills?

216
00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:45,786
Actually, I'm here to spice
up my weekday routine.

217
00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:49,877
Well, you picked the perfect class.
Today, we're working on the fab five in 45.

218
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:53,141
It's five dishes that the family will
love that you can whip up in 45 minutes.

219
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:55,273
Ooh, I like that.
Okay, you two have fun.

220
00:08:55,317 --> 00:08:56,753
Okay. So, you're not staying?

221
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,581
Come on, now, you know
I don't have any kids,

222
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,540
and you know I don't
have any pots and pans,

223
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:03,194
and I'm hungry now. Okay, bye!

224
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:04,848
Bye.Bye.

225
00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:06,154
That girl is crazy. I know.

226
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,809
Nick?

227
00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:10,593
Is every woman I know here?

228
00:09:10,637 --> 00:09:13,814
Oh, my God.
Nick Kingston-Persons.

229
00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:15,467
My husband watches you.Hi.

230
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:17,339
What are you doing here?

231
00:09:17,382 --> 00:09:19,123
You'd think a celebrity like you
would have a wife who could cook.

232
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:22,953
Uh... I can cook.
He's the one who can't.

233
00:09:22,997 --> 00:09:25,129
My breakfast is legendary.

234
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:29,656
And if by legendary, you mean
toasted, then, yeah, mmm-hmm.

235
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:31,309
This is my wife, Suzanne.

236
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:33,703
Yeah, we just met, and I don't
know what's going on here,

237
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,618
but I'll tell you what, I'm
staying out of the middle of it.

238
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,664
Thank you.

239
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:40,928
What are you thanking her for? You should
be asking her, "Where's the hot sauce?"

240
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:43,670
You know, you are lucky
you are so cute,

241
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,628
because you are evil!

242
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:49,066
For real, look at the horns
popping up out of... Okay, let's cook.

243
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,071
Did you hear what she said?

244
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:57,161
My fish had just the right
balance of salt and sweet,

245
00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:59,555
and my side dishes were perfect.

246
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,166
Yeah, well, Nick, of course

247
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:06,780
she liked your dishes, because
she darn near made it herself.

248
00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:09,260
Chef Connie,
how do I slice this?

249
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:12,002
Chef Connie, do you think
I spread this too thin?

250
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,570
Chef Connie,
how many ounces in a cup?

251
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,355
You know what? Make fun.
But you know and I know,

252
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,314
you mad because I'm right.

253
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:20,968
Cooking is not that hard.

254
00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:24,058
If I had to cook, I could do it.

255
00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:26,408
Shoot, I might be able
to do it better than you.

256
00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:30,020
Excuse me,
but is that a challenge?

257
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:31,456
Wait for the echo.

258
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,676
Challenge! Challenge! Challenge.

259
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,156
Oh, yeah, that's a challenge.

260
00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:38,246
Boy, I could cook
better than you

261
00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:40,465
blindfolded with
one arm chopped off

262
00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:43,686
with nothing to serve
but biscuits and Spam.

263
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:44,992
You want to put something on it?

264
00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:46,776
As a matter of fact, I do.

265
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,343
Saturday, we both cook.

266
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:50,998
Whoever makes the best meal
cooks the rest of the week.

267
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:54,044
Wait a minute. Shouldn't
whoever wins get the week off?

268
00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:56,786
No, no, no, see, the
loser, which will be you,

269
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,483
they have to do the shopping,

270
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:00,137
and clean the kitchen,

271
00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:03,401
and rub the cook's feet
when she's done.

272
00:11:03,445 --> 00:11:04,794
You want to practice?

273
00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:06,927
No.

274
00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,020
Okay, so here are the rules,

275
00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:14,978
you have to make an appetizer,

276
00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:17,633
a salad, an entree
and a dessert.

277
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,156
So, what are your team names?

278
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,203
Kevin and I are Team Nevin.

279
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:24,161
Lindsey and I are Team Two.

280
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:26,468
Team Two? What?

281
00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:30,037
How you gonna make dinner if
you can't even make up a name?

282
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,039
Team Two.

283
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:36,086
All right, all right, you have 45
minutes to create something spectacular.

284
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:37,522
Are you ready? NICK: Mmm-hmm.

285
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:40,569
Now... go!

286
00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:43,093
Watch out, watch out. A
da-da-da that's mine. That's mine.

287
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:44,747
No, no, no, I need that.

288
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,531
I need that! Kev, get the
secret ingredient.

289
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,012
Out the fridge, man!

290
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:52,581
Look, guys, if we're going to make it
in time to judge this cooking contest,

291
00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,061
we should probably get going.

292
00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:56,280
If I had known signing up
Nick for a cooking class

293
00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:58,761
was going to turn us into
culinary crash test dummies,

294
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,067
I never would have bothered.

295
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:02,199
I'll get it.

296
00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:11,295
Uh... can I help you?

297
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:12,949
Yeah, I'm looking for Mr. Beach.

298
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:14,298
Who?

299
00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:16,953
Excuse me, Mama Nick.
I got this. Oh, oh.

300
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:19,869
Come on in.

301
00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:25,135
Mmm-hmm.

302
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,573
So, you must be T.

303
00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:30,314
What makes you say that?
Who are you?

304
00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:31,489
Who do you think I am?

305
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:32,969
Who do you think
I think you are?

306
00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:34,971
I think you think I'm a
guy that likes movies.

307
00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:36,407
Could be.

308
00:12:36,451 --> 00:12:38,670
What kind of movies
do you think I think you like?

309
00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:41,021
I think you think I like
Whoopi Goldberg movies.

310
00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:43,719
You don't look like a man that
like Whoopi Goldberg movies.

311
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,373
Well, you don't look like a
woman that would like a man

312
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:46,853
that like
Whoopi Goldberg movies.

313
00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:48,332
Maybe I do.

314
00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:49,812
Okay, for God's sake,
how long y'all gonna do this?

315
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:51,727
I have had relationships
shorter than this.

316
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,904
I mean, this is supposed to be a
first date, not "The Bourne Flirtation."

317
00:12:54,948 --> 00:12:56,601
Okay, okay.

318
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:59,604
My sister's having a get-together.
You're welcome to come.

319
00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:02,433
We gonna have vittles
around 2100 hours.

320
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:04,784
Yeah, that's cool.

321
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,090
I like food.

322
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:09,397
That Whoopi Goldberg thing was just code,
right? You don't actually like those movies.

323
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,702
Come on, man. What?

324
00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:12,748
Sister Act? Sister Act 2?

325
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,315
Eddie? Burglar?

326
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:15,795
The Associate?

327
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:18,319
Come on, can't nobody
hate on The Lion King.

328
00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:20,277
You got to love the way she say,

329
00:13:20,321 --> 00:13:22,062
"Mufasa."

330
00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:24,847
Yeah. But you know what?
The only one I don't like

331
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,457
is Jumpin' Jack Flash... Oh, it's Clara's Heart.

332
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:27,719
You liked that one?

333
00:13:27,763 --> 00:13:29,809
All right, meet you in the car.

334
00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,027
Lead me.

335
00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:38,556
Oh, I see you did
your laundry, huh?

336
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,298
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I like
that fabric softener.

337
00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:42,430
Yeah, I use the one with the...

338
00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:43,474
Teddy bear.

339
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,742
Okay, so the meals
are all prepared.

340
00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:53,049
Our judges are here.
You guys ready?

341
00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:55,008
Hey, what kind
of crazy meal is this?

342
00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:58,098
Well, we actually made
a lobster spinach...

343
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,275
Who are you?

344
00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:04,060
Look, you want to ask questions,
or do you want us to eat this mess?

345
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:06,106
All right, Team Two,
what did you make?

346
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:10,414
Well, we begin with
a lobster spinach salad,

347
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:14,897
followed by seared scallops
served on a bed of sun choke puree

348
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,812
with a pomegranate reduction,

349
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:20,163
and our entree is
a blackened cajun catfish

350
00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:21,773
with a mango chutney.

351
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:24,254
Is chutney another word
for gross?

352
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:27,214
And for dessert, lemon torte.

353
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:28,824
Mmm.

354
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,044
Great. Okay, Team Nevin,
what about you?

355
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,872
Team Nevin will begin

356
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:36,614
with a Caesar salad
with fresh anchovy and bacon,

357
00:14:36,658 --> 00:14:39,052
followed by an appetizer
of bacon roll-ups

358
00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:41,228
and finishing with a main course

359
00:14:41,271 --> 00:14:44,622
of baked chicken
with a maple bacon glaze.

360
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:49,062
What'd you do,
replace hot sauce with bacon?

361
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,368
Don't hate.

362
00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:53,457
And for dessert?

363
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:56,939
Mizz-olten
chizz-ocolate cizz-ake.

364
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,899
You made molten chocolate cake?

365
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:02,162
No, no, baby, you didn't
hear me. Listen, listen.

366
00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:06,383
I made mizz-olten
chizz-ocolate cizz-ake.

367
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,516
It's my own special recipe.

368
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:10,866
What, does it have bacon in it?

369
00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:14,130
All right, let's just do this.

370
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:19,831
Mmm.

371
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:46,771
Hey!

372
00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:49,905
See how the molten
is all over the cizz-ake?

373
00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:52,038
Mmm.

374
00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:55,128
Oh, my God,

375
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:56,607
this is incredible.

376
00:15:57,565 --> 00:15:58,609
You made this?

377
00:15:58,653 --> 00:15:59,828
I did.

378
00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:01,917
You lying.

379
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,310
Did she really cook this?

380
00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:05,747
If she's lying, I'm Paula Deen.

381
00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:07,357
In our line of work,

382
00:16:07,401 --> 00:16:09,446
you're taught not to
believe what you see.

383
00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:11,753
Yeah, she could be lying,

384
00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:14,103
and you could be Paula Deen.

385
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:17,628
Well, I still like my baby's
cooking the best.

386
00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:20,370
Well, I like my baby sister
cooking the best.

387
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:23,156
Matter of fact, it's
starting to give me the itis.

388
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:26,159
You didn't even touch ours.

389
00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:27,856
Man, that's pork.

390
00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:30,859
Don't you know forks that touch
swine will never touch mine?

391
00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:32,382
How are we supposed
to know that?

392
00:16:32,426 --> 00:16:34,341
You not.

393
00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:38,867
Well, Suzanne, as much as I would
like to say your dishes were amazing,

394
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:41,217
I have to go with Team Nevin. MARTIN: Ooh.

395
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,915
'Cause you know
I love me some bacon.

396
00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:46,483
As we all know, men love
things that come in strips,

397
00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:49,138
drag strips, Vegas strips,
strip poles,

398
00:16:49,182 --> 00:16:50,879
and, of course, strips of bacon.

399
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,838
But I'm going to have
to go with Team Two, dude.

400
00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:55,362
What? I'm sorry.

401
00:16:55,405 --> 00:16:56,580
What?

402
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:59,627
Hey, Dad, I'm sorry,

403
00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,629
but I got to go with Mom.

404
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:03,935
Mom, that scallop thing
was amazing.

405
00:17:03,979 --> 00:17:07,591
Mom, it was a close one,
but, overall,

406
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:09,419
I have to go with Dad.

407
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:12,118
That chocolate cake was amazing.

408
00:17:12,161 --> 00:17:14,294
Chizz-ocolate cizz-ake.

409
00:17:14,337 --> 00:17:16,078
You forgot to say "mizz-olten."

410
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:18,254
All right, it looks like
we have a tie.

411
00:17:18,298 --> 00:17:19,908
Well, we need a tiebreaker.

412
00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:22,084
Why don't you try?

413
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:23,825
Oh, no, I didn't
come here to judge.

414
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,566
Oh, come on, just taste it.

415
00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:28,743
All you got to do
is just taste all these.

416
00:17:28,786 --> 00:17:31,615
All right, all right,
I'll do it on one condition...

417
00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:33,878
What? I was never here.

418
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,883
Okay, so you've tried
everything else.

419
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,494
Now, it's down to the desserts.

420
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:43,845
It's the lemon torte
versus the chocolate cake.

421
00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:45,020
Cizz-ake.

422
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,848
Just... cake.

423
00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,893
No, cizz-ake. SUZANNE: Nick. Be quiet! Shh!

424
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:52,680
Look at your face.

425
00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:55,030
Look at her face, man.
Look, look, look.

426
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,119
I can tell by the
look on your face,

427
00:17:57,163 --> 00:18:00,079
I know what you're going to
say. Look at this. I can see it!

428
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:01,863
No, you can't.

429
00:18:01,906 --> 00:18:05,432
There are 36 facial muscles
used to make expressions,

430
00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:08,826
and the combination of those expressions
in conjunction with body language

431
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,915
and other factors that
cannot be ascertained,

432
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:13,004
such as breathing
and heart rates,

433
00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:16,138
are the only things likely to give a
clear indication on any person's intent.

434
00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,836
Teach. So, oft times,
what a person looks like

435
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,839
is not necessarily
what a person feels like.

436
00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:24,015
There are trained
professionals who cannot tell

437
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:26,148
what I'm thinking
by the look on my face,

438
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,454
so I know you can't.

439
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,283
I'ma go with the lemon torte.

440
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:32,328
Whoo! Oh, man. What?

441
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:35,766
You see, I know
what you're thinking.Mmm-hmm.

442
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:38,029
Uh, uh, uh, uh!

443
00:18:44,601 --> 00:18:46,386
Hey, how'd it go?

444
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,476
I hate the grocery store.

445
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:52,696
You know, I actually got in a
fight with a woman over an onion.

446
00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:57,788
Was it a big red one? Oh, yeah,
they can be vicious over those.

447
00:18:57,832 --> 00:18:59,790
Don't get me started
on the checkout line.

448
00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:01,749
It is the 21st century.

449
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:05,187
You know, there are a variety of
convenient ways to pay for your groceries.

450
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,189
Why did this woman
pull out a checkbook?

451
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:08,756
An old checkbook.

452
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:11,280
And then she had to
reach into her purse

453
00:19:11,324 --> 00:19:12,890
and get my pen,

454
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,718
and then my carbon paper.

455
00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:16,459
Wait, wait, wait, what?

456
00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:18,940
I didn't know they still
made carbon paper.

457
00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:22,117
Well, they do, and if you want
some, go to checkout line seven.

458
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,379
She might still be there.

459
00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:27,209
Mmm-hmm. Well, see,
that, all of that,

460
00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:30,386
is part of cooking. Okay, okay.

461
00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:32,867
So, what are you making tonight?

462
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:35,174
Um, well, I think you guys
are going to like this.

463
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:38,438
I'm going to have some wild
salmon with a pecan glaze,

464
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:40,657
and then sweet
potato fries on the side.

465
00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:43,225
Oh, and for dessert... Mmm-hmm?

466
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:44,835
Wait for it.

467
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:48,143
Bam!

468
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,102
Vizz-inilla izz-ce crizz-eam.

469
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:53,409
Aw, that's my bizz-aby.

470
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:57,674
You know, Hmm.

471
00:19:57,718 --> 00:19:59,633
what's up with Terrence
and that girl?

472
00:19:59,676 --> 00:20:02,113
I mean, they seemed like
they really liked each other.

473
00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:03,985
Oh, you know, I don't know.

474
00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:06,117
Maybe I should call him and
see if they want to come to dinner.

475
00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:09,556
Mmm. What kind of cake is that?

476
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:12,123
What kind of cake
you think it is?

477
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:14,125
What kind of cake
you think I think it is?

478
00:20:14,169 --> 00:20:16,258
I think you think
it's chocolate cake.

479
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:18,260
I think you might be right.

480
00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:19,348
It's not.

481
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,307
It's dark vanilla.

482
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:24,266
Oh! Mmm-mmm.

483
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,399
See, that's what
I like about you.

484
00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:30,620
Now, I've been thinking.

485
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:33,928
A guy like myself been
running around way too long...

486
00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:36,278
Mr. Beach, don't say it. Please.

487
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:38,585
Why not? This is how I feel.

488
00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:41,196
But I don't think it's going
to work out between us.

489
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,894
Yeah, I guess you're right.

490
00:20:43,938 --> 00:20:46,984
Well, I guess I better go.

491
00:20:47,028 --> 00:20:48,638
But wait.

492
00:20:48,682 --> 00:20:50,205
You never even
told me your name.

493
00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:53,600
I would love to,

494
00:20:53,643 --> 00:20:54,992
but then I'd have to kill you.

495
00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:57,038
Watch out.

496
00:20:57,647 --> 00:20:58,779
Oh!

497
00:20:58,822 --> 00:21:00,694
Not the "watch out" trick.
That's mine.